Hello DA---

I don't know that anyone ever looks at this anymore... I know I hardly do. I would feel bad for anyone waiting around for me, it's rather for my own record keeping I suppose.

Today I am 2 hours away from opening. My alarm is probably going off in my room right now... must apologize to my roommate later. Or did I set it for 6:3o?

I am a very tired 18 year old... I need to get paid... soon. Order new checks. Pay rent in the next week after Thanksgiving. Get my sister a birthday present.

I am so getting a studio next year... or living alone. Whatever. I find that I'm not much of a people person once I begin to feel a loss of privacy. Walking on eggshells to please others.

I wrote ... or rather, began, a new story today. Updated another one... I've probably lost all of my readers.

Trying to figure out something about my past, present and future.

I realized a truth in something that I discussed with my 'bro Tim the other day, and it was a bit depressing. He assured me it would pass... for him, maybe. There's something about him that can pull him out of this dark place that I'm currently in.

Whatever the case. I am alone. And so I might remain for the rest of my life. Friends and family, all the same... even when I'm close, even when they're right next to me... dear to my heart. I am still alone. I'm beginning to wonder how that is even possible?

But I can't say it hasn't been something I wished for. This solitude, even in a sea of people. Be careful what you wish for.

But I am not totally alone. There is a bittersweet truth that I live by, and live for. That I have God. In Christ I am never alone. My friend, father and brother. The closest person to my heart, always there for me... always.

And yet there is this thing... humanity? And humanity, while great at some times, others not so much... would cause me to seek out other humans, and the human pain... well. Who knows?

If all goes well, I will be next year where I want to be. It really depends.

Yours,
Gem